Do you know what I love? Sending Dan my latest blog post which includes the line…
“Don’t get me wrong, had you peeked into the windows of my home these past few months, you probably wouldn’t have seen a serene woman down on her knees. But you might have seen a wife who poured out a bit more love…”
…after I’d spent the last 24 hours glaring at him, grunting rather than speaking, and just generally stomping around like my three-year-old daughter. (Wince.)
Charlie is sleeping through longer stretches at night (and now I am terrified that I just uttered those words! please don’t leave me, sweet slumber!), nursing is less frequent, and I suspect that my hormones are all confused and angry and mercurial.
Everything has been irritating me.
So, just to recap, I’d been glaring and stomping for days when I felt inspired to write the lobster post.
At first I felt dishonest. Or at least like I was being a bit misleading. But then I thought back on this week and realized that it was actually the perfect example of the ways in which Dan and I have grown as a couple.
What I felt like doing throughout the last few days was to bring to his attention every last little thing that I found maddening. And I’m sure what he felt like doing was to tell me about the things that he felt found maddening (namely me, my glaring, grunting, and stomping).
But I bit my tongue because somewhere deep down inside I knew that I was being irrational and that any pleasure I’d derive from venting would quickly be crushed by disharmony. (Apparently I also managed to find of modicum self-control at some point.)
As for Dan, he didn’t comment on my passive-aggressive tantrum though I’m sure he could have offered me all sorts of constructive criticism. Instead, he just let it play out, knowing, I suppose, that I’d eventually find my way back to serenity (or at least stability).
And that feels pretty great to me. No, I didn’t smile in spite of inner turmoil and yes, I derived a certain ugly satisfaction from making my displeasure known (albeit in a less verbal way than I once would have) but I didn’t pick a fight.
I didn’t pick a fight!!!
The storm rolled through, and the trees bent in the wind, but then the sun came shining back through the leaves and all was well. The damage was minimal and love reigned supreme.
So, yeah, progress.