So, 50 Shades of Grey is a smokin’ hot topic these days, isn’t it? I admit, I haven’t read it (beyond a few excerpts here and there), but from the descriptions I’ve seen I’m not a fan. I could go into why, but Brianna of Just Showing Up pretty much covered everything I’d want to say so I’ll leave that bit of fun to her. (Thanks, lady! You rock!)
But–oh my word–have I received a lot of email about this. I’ve received email from wives who feel guilty for having read it but can’t deny that it kicked things up a notch in the bedroom; from husbands who are concerned about the fact that their wives are reading the book but aren’t sure whether they should be because they, too, have appreciated a resurgence of passion in their marriage; and even from young women who read it and are worried that having a passionate marriage will require that they take part in the things they’ve read about in 50 Shades of Grey.
After reading through all of these emails what I took away is that a lot of men and women desire to heat things up in the bedroom but aren’t sure how to do so in a healthy way. I thought I might attempt (with your help) to brainstorm a few ways that we all can do so without resorting to the ways of Mommy Porn (which is such a lovely term, no?). Here are a few things that I recommend:
- Let Him Lead - The one thing I keep hearing about 50 Shades is that women are attracted to the idea of their husband taking on a dominant role. Now, while I’d say 50 Shades takes this idea about 5 million steps too far, there’s nothing wrong with letting your husband guide things in the bedroom from time to time. Let him lead you, love you, and savor you.
- Practice Foreplay Throughout the Day – I don’t mean literal hands-on foreplay (though that wouldn’t hurt either), but there should be a build up to intimacy that occurs in the hours leading up to it. Spicy text messages, an occasional glad eye from across the room, lots of compliments, and acts of service–because, really, does anything make you feel more amorous than a spouse who just folded a load of laundry or brought you a fresh cup of coffee?
- Wear Smokin’ Hot Pajamas – We talked about this awhile back over here and from what I’ve heard, our little pajama challenge proved quite fruitful! Try incorporating some eye-catching sleepwear into your evening once in awhile. Now one thing to note: while a lot of men appreciate lingerie, this isn’t true of all men. (Or rather, some men simply place other varieties of sleepwear higher up on their list.) So, ask your husband what he’d most like to see you in for a romantic evening at home. The key here is to mix it up a bit. Even if he says, “a t-shirt,” if you wear t-shirts to bed every night ask him to answer again.
- Primp – I know all the skin care experts advise us not to go to bed with makeup on, but there’s something to be said for crawling into bed with smoky eyes, tousled hair, a bit of perfume, and maybe even a pair of cute heels. I guarantee you’ll catch the attention of that husband of yours.
- Make Up a Secret Language – If you happen to have a few code words (of the intimate variety) in your back pocket you can pull them out at any time of day to let your spouse know just what’s on your mind.
- Sample Aphrodisiacs – Do they really work? I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that they sure are fun to experiment with! Plan a night of love in which you sample of variety of aphrodisiacs and see what happens! I can almost guarantee that if nothing else, the placebo effect will be steamy!
- Massage One Another – This one is pretty self-explanatory but if you’re not in the habit of grabbing a little massage oil and rubbing away your spouse’s stress, what are you waiting for? This one has a 99.999% success rate in the Increase the Heat department.
- Make Love During the Day – I can’t explain it, but there’s just something about daytime lovin’ that can be especially delicious. Try it! You’ll see.
- Use Sumptuous Linens – Meeting your husband in a bed made up with soft, gorgeous linens rarely fails to ignite a spark. And again–as with the sleepwear recommendation–the trick here is to dress your bed in something fresh and new for those special nights of romance!
- Dance Together – Just because you can’t salsa doesn’t mean you can’t put on your favorite love song and hold one another tight. Now that’s romantic!
- Laugh – Have a sense of humor. I don’t know about you, but there are few things that make me feel more affection toward my husband than when we spend time laughing together. Sex doesn’t have to be super serious. Sometimes the most satisfying sex occurs when a husband and wife spend time being silly together.
- Embrace Healthy Competition – Whether it comes from playing a board game or a sport, a little friendly competition is a fantastic way to turn up the heat. (This game looks promising! I haven’t actually looked closely at all of her squares but the nice thing is that you can tailor it to your own desires and comfort level.)
- Get Away for a Night – I know this isn’t always an easy thing to do when you have little ones around but it is so important for couples to have couple time. Your union is the foundation upon which your family rests. If possible, you and your husband should make it a point to lock yourselves away in a hotel room for 24 hours or so and focus on enjoying one another with no distractions.
- Make Sex a Priority – I know we’d all love to be able to keep physical intimacy spontaneous, but sometimes we need to make an effort to create those romantic moments. Put it on the calendar and just do it. It may take you a moment to warm up if you’ve had a hard day, but you’ll get there.
- Make Out – How much time do you and your husband spend simply making out? Sometimes we’re so tired/stressed/distracted that we simply go through the motions and rush through the intimate moments. Make a little time for good old fashioned “petting.”
The above list is made up of the first few things that entered into my mind when I considered ways in which a couple can spice up a marriage. There must be a million other ways to do so, though, and I bet some of you have fantastic ideas. If you’d be willing to share, I know there are a lot of women who would love to hear your suggestions!
Given the spicy topic, anonymous comments are welcome!