Social Media Marriage Killers

by Hallie @ Moxie Wife on July 31, 2013

Picture the worst fight you’ve ever had with your husband. Now imagine that your best friend is summering in Rome and is unable to talk you down from a ledge and/or lock you out of your various social media accounts. (You have handed over all your passwords, yes? Please tell me you’ve handed over your passwords.)

The stage is set.

The spotlight is on you.

And the world waits with bated breath for you to drop a little marital truth in their lap. Oh yes, long suffering wives, your moment is here.

The only question is whether to bless your followers with this little gem:


Or this one:


Ha. As if. This one has your husband’s number, area code included. Perfecto.


After sharing your heart with your Pinterest peeps, perhaps a little 140-character Twitter slaying is in order? That’ll teach him. And don’t forget Facebook. Facebook most likely contains the highest concentration of his peers. That has “must-do” written all over it.

Hush, you sucker of a conscience. He should have thought twice before adding salt to your already perfectly salted pot roast. How on earth did you end up married to a man with flawed taste buds anyway? The injustice is mind-boggling.

Now I’m not saying you’re not in the right here, you Top Chef you, but before you click pin, tweet, or post, let’s strategize for a moment. Even if something went awry during Marriage Draft week (most likely not true, but for the sake of argument…), the contract is signed, your team is set, and that husband of yours is your teammate. It’s time to go all George S. Patton on your union and remember to:

“Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.”

Because as much as you might want to throw your captain overboard and steer this ship yourself, a ship without a crew (and one individual a crew does not make) is doomed. The fact of the matter is that if your not-so-better half goes down, he’s taking you with him.

Why you should resist the temptation to rant about your husband on social media.

Now I don’t mean that he’ll necessarily take to social media and accept your invitation to do battle, but with each brilliantly crafted update you’re essentially weakening a union of which you – like it or not in the heat of the moment – are a part of.

Perhaps you’re thinking that he won’t see it anyway? Are you sure? Unless you have a protected account to which he’s not invited (not a good idea, cutie pie) he may occasionally secretly take a peek (being as entranced with you as he surely is). And that grapevine? So not your friend. Honestly, even if he were to never catch wind of your stellar social media performance, it’s out there floating above your marriage and in some mysterious way, silently doing harm to it. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.

So, I know: he deserves it, he earned it, and you’re simply trying to blow off a little steam. Maybe you’re even hoping he does catch wind of your social media truth fest and learn a little lesson. I get it. I feel you. All I’m saying is: keep your eye on the prize. You deserve a thriving marriage (in which your pot roast is never criticized) and though it may seem counter-intuitive, a social media rant isn’t going to move you any closer to that goal. Disrespect, deserved or not, is a marriage killer.

An overly-salted pot roast, on the other hand, could go miles. (Wink, wink.)

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

bobbi @ revolution of love July 31, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Wise words, my dear. Wise words.
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JessieLeigh July 31, 2013 at 4:01 pm

Oh, preach on, sugar pie! There is so much truth here and, oh, the temptation to rant and vent can be huge… it’s the quickest way to get (false) affirmation that yes! you’re right! he’s wrong! My husband has ZERO social media accounts, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what I’m up to or what I’m saying. It matters. Thank you for the reminder!
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Anne July 31, 2013 at 4:09 pm

The couple who did our marriage prep weekend warned us about this. Only they took to email for their fights. And also ran a business together. One of those snarky emails was accidentally sent to their entire email list of clients. At least they were laughing about it years later?

Cathy July 31, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Love this! And so true! My husband also has zero social media presence (heck, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t even have a cell phone!). I can relate though because one lesson I learned the hard way early on in our marriage was that our marriage greatly improved when I quit talking ABOUT him and started talking TO him… We will be celebrating 23 years of marriage in September.

Jennifer H July 31, 2013 at 4:42 pm

LOVE! Keeping this in mind when we talk about communication to engaged couples (the whole – keep what goes on between you, between you. Don’t complain and criticize to everyone around you – if you’re talking about it to others, chances are good you’re not telling him exactly how you feel…blah blah blah).
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Kat Crow July 31, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Wise wise words!
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TracyE July 31, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Congratulations, Cathy and my husband could be your husband’s BFF (if guys did such a thing)…hates the internetz and technology in general (never mind he is our family’s goto IT guy. I stopped participating in man bashing (particularly and especially of mine) long ago and haven’t regretted it once. Our favorite quote of Ruth Bell Graham: In 2006 Barbara noted that Ruth had once been asked whether, as a Christian, she had ever contemplated divorce. Barbara explained, “Her answer, was, ‘Divorce? No. Murder? Yes.’” Added Barbara, “I could understand that.”

Read more:,8599,1633197,00.html#ixzz2afKDr8xY
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Kaitlin @ More Like Mary July 31, 2013 at 7:10 pm

So very true! Ted is the keeper of my facebook password and it has done wonders for me and our marriage!

Christie @ Everything to Someone July 31, 2013 at 7:25 pm

It’s a hard-won lesson for me and my husband, but we now know that all our marital strife needs to stay strictly WITHIN our marriage. Bringing other people into it is just bad news. No one can understand the situation outside of you two (and maybe an exceptionally gifted therapist) anyway!

Paige Kellerman July 31, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Very, very true, my dear. Words to live by. I feel the same way about people that leave mean blog comments. If you respond negatively, it’s always out there. Even when you’re in a good mood. Even when you’re totally over it.

Not that anyone probably cares, but if I feel like I HAVE to type something crappy on social media, I type it out first, read it a bunch of times, and usually find that just typing it made me feel better. And then… I delete it.

This works on husbands as well.
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Sarah Doll July 31, 2013 at 8:30 pm

I agree, and even more so in conversations with friends. I think there it is easier to complain or talk about your husband in a bad light. Not that we need to make our husband’s seem perfect, but we do need to protect the sacredness of our marriage bond and not expose all our petty problems we have. I think of it as honoring our husbands, and I certainly want him to do the same with his friends. :) Of course, if there is a real problem it’s good to have a close friend to discuss things with, but then I think only one or two trustworthy people should be consulted. Thanks for the wise words, Hallie!
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Martha July 31, 2013 at 8:52 pm

I always want to! I write this great zinging 140 characters…and then delete. I stare at him for a while, thinking, you’ll see this and THEN you’ll feel bad!!

But then I think of my teenage niece who posts all her drama all over everywhere and I say, “no. I am not that girl. And – I might be too old to be called a girl anymore.” Le sigh!

Joy @ Caspara August 1, 2013 at 12:10 am

Great points, Hallie!! I totally agree! I used to wear my heart on my FB sleeve — not really as far as my marriage goes, but more about my kids. And I’ve really tried to make it a point not to complain about them– husband or kids — in posts because truth be told, my family is a huge, undeserved blessing. I hope lots of people read this and realize how true it is!!
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Tricia Goyer August 1, 2013 at 4:42 am

I love this! One of the marriage classes I took years ago talked about not ranting to a friend in any form. We’re supposed to build up respect for our husbands, not tear it down. Also, people don’t realize that those zingers don’t make them look cute or clever. It makes them look disrespectful. Wise words!

Jenna@CallHerHappy August 1, 2013 at 3:34 pm

So true! I think this post goes quite well with your post about having a friend to vent to – someone who is invested in the success of your marriage, of course!
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Jennifer G. August 1, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Love this! So true and thanks reminding us all about this. So many people do this in good humor, but, you are absolutely right in that it’s just unhealthy.

Elizabeth August 2, 2013 at 2:18 pm

I’m curious what your opinion is of using social media to talk positively about one’s husband. I love to brag about what a great he is (truly! I am blessed!), but lately I’ve been wondering if that gives too one-sided a view. We have our ups and downs like anyone and I worry that by saying only the good I’ll make others jealous or give the false impression that marriage doesn’t take a LOT of work!

Kate August 5, 2013 at 12:16 am

This is one of the advantages of marrying introverts. I’m an introvert. My husband is an introvert. It doesn’t even occur to us to vent to social media (or anyone even!) about each other. Because we’re … introverts. It doesn’t matter how passionate we are about our disagreement … we’d never go to someone else. It’s not in our nature. Our steps look more like: 1. have argument (well, with us, it’s usually more of a calm discussion compared to what I’ve seen in other couples!), 2. internalize everything, 3. brood in our respective corners, 4. have an outlet (I run, he cycles), 5. realize the disagreement was silly and make up.
Of course, this also means we don’t share anything positive about each other in social media or other places. Because … we’re hardcore introverts, lol. Somehow, though, we manage to share with one another. So not sure how that works.

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